Learning French: When do we say bonjour, bonsoir and adieu?

Manners matter and nowhere more so than in France where greeting rituals and politeness are de rigueur.

'Hello’ and ‘goodbye’ have their own etiquette which must be mastered if you wish to avoid being considered rude.

You are expected to say 'bonjour' to anyone you come into contact with before you say anything else or carry out a transaction. 

Enter a shop or waiting room, or get into a lift, and you should wish a quick and general ‘bonjour’ to everyone present, even if you say nothing else to them. 

It is a way of acknowledging each other’s presence. Even sullen, rebellious teenagers know they must do it. It is a habit that is inculcated into children at an early age until it becomes an almost unconscious reflex. 

Read more: Learning French: what does c’est parti mean and when should it be used?

I have been caught out more than once. On one occasion I approached a woman standing behind a counter in a hospital cafeteria. ‘Un café crème, s’il vous plaît,’ I said in my politest voice. ‘Bonjour,’ she replied pointedly, as if teaching me a lesson.

It is more polite to say ‘bonjour madame’ or ‘bonjour monsieur’, if you are saluting a woman or a man respectively; but if you enter an space where there are men and women you say ‘bonjour m'sieur-dame’ which the abridged form of ‘bonjour messieurs et mesdames’.

Supermarket etiquette

There is, however, a subtle additional requirement to bonjour-ing. In a supermarket check-out queue, wait until it is your turn before saying hello to the cashier. 

Similarly, while waiting for a medical appointment you do not necessarily say ‘bonjour’ to the doctor when he pops his head in to summon the patient before you. He will probably prefer you to wait until it is time for him to give his attention to you.

When the afternoon wanes, ‘bonjour’ is replaced by ‘bonsoir’, but precisely when is hard to say. Take your cue from the person you are dealing with. 

When you meet someone you know well, the ‘bonjour’ is accompanied by a handshake or two to four kisses (depending on the region of France you live in). 

After Covid, people kiss-greet a little less often than they used to. Again, follow the lead of other people and, if necessary, make a little joke out of it.

Special provisions cover groups of people. 

From around five people onwards (there is no written rule) you can simply wave a hand in the air and wish a general ‘bonjour tout le monde’. But there will always be someone who insists on shaking hands and pecking cheeks all round.

Au revoir and adieu

When an interaction on any social level comes to an end (even when you leave a shop) you say ‘au revoir’. Never 'adieu', which implies you will not see them again, ever. 

There are many variants according to the context. If you are likely to see the person later, say: ‘à plus tard’. If you are going to see them again in a few minutes, say: ‘à tout à l’heure’. 

‘A bientôt’ is a wish to meet again at some vague point in the future. ‘A demain’ is for someone you are going to see tomorrow for certain, such as a work colleague. 

When I left hospital after an operation, one of the nurses said cheerily, with the kindest of intentions: ‘J’espère que ce n’est pas au revoir’ (meaning, ‘I hope you don't have to come back’). I certainly hoped it was an adieu.

After ‘au revoir,’ it is common to add good wishes for whatever the person is going to do next, beginning with the word “bon…”. And therein lies a topic worth exploring in its own article…

Read more: Learn how to say goodbye in French in different situations