'Our teenage daughters are angry with us for moving to France'
Columnist Cynthia Spillman offers advice on how to deal with homesick family members
A move abroad can add to the challenge of teenage years
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Dear Cynth,
We moved to France last year with two teenage daughters.
Naturally the move was very unsettling for them and I feel they have not forgiven us.
They have found learning the language and making friends hard, and I worry they will resent us forever, even though we made the move with their best interests at heart – to provide a better work/life balance so we can be around for them more.
What can we do?
M.S.
I feel your pain and empathise with your dilemma. I assume you consulted and included your daughters in your plans before you took the leap and moved to France.
A year is not a long time within which to integrate fully in a foreign country. It is still early days. Teenage years can be challenging enough and, of course, there is an extra component with an international move.
First of all, try not to feel guilty. You have done what you felt was right for you as a family.
Encourage your daughters to have a positive outlook. You are providing them with a wonderful opportunity to live in a different country and culture, which will enrich them as people and afford them new opportunities.
They can invite friends and family from back home to come and stay. They can also keep in touch, thanks to social media. Schedule regular trips home if necessary.
Seek out others who are in a similar situation to you and ask for their input and support.
What are their hobbies and pastimes? Check out local activities at the mairie. Reassure them that it takes time to develop friendships.
If you have French friends with teenagers, invite them round. It only takes one friend and through them a network of friends can be built.
It is important also to empower your children to take action for themselves. They will leave home one day and having to enhance their coping skills will serve them in good stead for the future.
And they always have the option to return back home when they are adults! We cannot live our children’s lives for them, much as we hate seeing them in difficulty.
Read more: How to cope when the shine comes off your ‘perfect’ new life in France
Do you have a problem associated with living in France that is causing upset or worry?
Our advice column can help. Write to: askcynth@connexionfrance.com.
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